I am driving myself insane wondering if I'm pregnant. I'm psycho to the point where I'm hoping every little thing is a symptom. I stayed home dizzy/nauseous today and was happy cuz I thought that might be morning sickness. It hasn't even been a week since we tried. I think i've lost my mind :(

Maybe TMI, but after a big fight about why we weren't doing "it" we finally did. The next day my ovulation predictor said I was ovulating so we did "it" again, lol. I'm really praying that I'll get pregnant this month cuz fighting about trying to have a baby is exhausting. Send me all your baby dust :)

Does my husband think I'm going to get pregnant just by willing a baby into existence??? Ugh! I wish I could get pregnant by myself, but I can't. This may be TMI but I told him this afternoon we needed to "do it" tonight and instead he's asleep. I don't know which I want more: to punch him or cry. I guess the latter.

And the winner is................

The Winner Is…

Sarita!!!

Here’s how I did it:

Christy W 1-10

Sarita B 11-20

Michelle R 21-30

Ashley D 31-40

Rikki D 41-50

Jacquie 51-75

And random.org chose #19

Thanks to all who participated!! I’ve now exceeded my personal goal of $100 by $10 and the team is now at $625 with a goal of $750! I appreciate all your support!! I’m so glad to be doing something meaningful in Mackenzie’s honor! :)

Last chance for the GIVEAWAY!!!

I'll announce the winner tomorrow :)

http://mackenziesmama.blogspot.com/2010/03/giveaway-for-march-of-dimes-team.html

GIVEAWAY!!!

You still have one more day to enter :)

http://mackenziesmama.blogspot.com/2010/03/giveaway-for-march-of-dimes-team.html

GIVEAWAY!!!

We've raised $30 through this giveaway so far!! Thanks to those who have participated! You still have until Friday to enter. Remember, it only takes $1 to enter for one chance to win. The more you donate the more chances you have :)

http://mackenziesmama.blogspot.com/2010/03/giveaway-for-march-of-dimes-team.html

GIVEAWAY!!! Don't forget My giveaway closes on Friday! http://mackenziesmama.blogspot.com/2010/03/giveaway-for-march-of-dimes-team.html

Trying Again

Well, it's been almost 3 months since we lost Skyler through my ectopic pregnancy and that's the amount of time we were told to wait before trying again. I intended to take that 3 months and lose some weight, but I really haven't lost much. Oh well. I'd much rather have a living child than be skinny anyways. So, we will start trying in a couple weeks (when I anticipate I will be ovulating) and I'm kind of nervous. My last pregnancy was ectopic and due to those complications I lost one of my fallopian tubes. Now, not only am I scared that we won't be able to get pregnant because I'm down one tube...I'm even more scared of having ANOTHER ectopic pregnancy and losing my only remaining tube. I seem to have terrible luck, and I don't put it past this universe to pull something like that. I do have hope for getting pregnant again and bringing a baby home someday, but of course that hope is heavily clouded with all the negative thoughts. I pray that we can get pregnant within the next two months because that would mean having a baby before the end of this year. When I was pregnant with Skyler I was SO EXCITED because it meant I would have a baby before most of the holidays. I would have dressed him/her up for Halloween, would have had him/her to show off at Thanksgiving, and I'd have a baby to take to the mall to have his/her picture taken with Santa. I only had that excitement for 2 weeks before those dreams were shattered again. At this point, I just want a live baby at home...but it would be nice to have one before Christmas at least. Could I be so lucky? Well, I'm not sure luck is on my side anymore but I will pray. I could use all the good vibes and prayers you can spare, also!

Speaking of holidays...Easter is coming up and I anticipate that will be another hard one. I'm debating on whether or not to go to church. I'm not sure I can handle my friends with their babies all dressed up in their little Easter dresses. It's going to be hard enough to do the standard Easter egg hunt with my husbands kids. I should be helping Mackenzie find her first Easter eggs this year :'(

I'm still not comfortable around babies and pregnant women or people talking about babies & pregnant women. We were at breakfast today and Mike was leading me to a table right behind a couple with a stroller and I told him of course I don't want to sit right behind a baby! So we sat somewhere else, but it really didn't matter because another customer in the restaurant began talking to the couple (loudly, might I add) and he was going on and on about when his daughter was pregnant and as he was saying "yeah and she was having her baby..." and I blurted out sarcastically "and her baby died???? No...probably not." Of course I only said it loud enough for my husband to hear but you can tell I'm still bitter. How fantastic for this guy to be able to gush about his daughters pregnancy with this couple (who turned out to be the grandparents). Freaking fantastic. Well guess what, sir? We don't get to go on and on about Mackenize or Skyler because no one wants to hear about dead babies. People only want to hear about happy endings. In fact, mention a dead baby and the conversation ends quite abruptly and awkwardly. If it makes it any better, I'm not just bitter for me...I'm bitter for my parents, too. They should be those grandparents out to breakfast with their little grandbaby and giving me & Mike a break. I'm sick of being on a break...I want to be up all night with a newborn baby.

PS - check out my previous post for my GIVEAWAY!!!!

GIVEAWAY for March of Dimes ~ Team Mackenzie Noelle

I know I am shamelessly copying Nolan's mommy, but it was a brilliant idea! :) Hope you don't mind, Ashley!

This giveaway is in effort to raise money for the March of Dimes. I am the team captain of Team Mackenzie Noelle and we will be walking in Mackenzie's memory on April 24th here in Texas. This is our first year to get involved, and although Mackenzie was in no way premature (overdue in fact), I still feel compelled to support this cause because a loss is a loss. Not only that, I know so many of you amazing women in blog land lost your precious little ones due to premature birth and that makes this cause even closer to my heart. Since this is my first year, I only set the team goal at $500.00. Of course if we could raise more, that would be fantastic! I'm the team captain and yet one of my team members is totally kicking my butt in the donations department, so this is my way of boosting team morale and doing my part :)

I will be giving away a $30.00 gift certificate to my favorite Etsy shop, Mama Mia Custom Handstamped Jewelry. You can use the gift certificate towards anything in her shop and she does amazing work customized to suit your personality. I actually won Tina's giveaway to her shop last week and she made me the most beautiful necklace for Mackenzie!

$1 will earn you one entry into the drawing, but the more you donate the more chances you have to win. I will get an e-mail with each donation, but please also comment here so I can make sure I count your donation. I will also give one additional entry for anyone who posts the giveaway to their blog, Facebook, or Twitter. Just comment and tell me where you posted it.

I will keep this giveaway open until midnight on Friday (March 19th) and will announce the winner on Saturday.

Follow the link below to see my personal page and click Donate Now. If you're donating less than $10.00 just click "Other Amount" and type in your amount in the box.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/teammackenzienoelle

Thank you in advance for any and all donations!!! <3