The Blissful Beginning

*I haven't been able to put together the next part of "Our Story," so I decided to jump to a different time. I want to remember my whole pregnancy from the blissful beginning to the tragic end. For now I'll write about whatever time I'm able to until the story is complete.

Before I found out I was pregnant I had a second job. I was working at a grocery store from 6 to midnight about 4 nights a week for extra money. It was ok at first, but I began to get exhausted and just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m not proud of it, but when I decided to quit I just didn’t show up for my shift that night. I went home and was going to take a nap instead. Before I got settled at home, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I didn’t think I was pregnant at all, but I wanted to start taking my diet pills again and wanted to just make sure I wasn’t pregnant before I did. Just to be safe. It was the end of September, and we had gotten married a little over 3 months before in June and I stopped taking birth control at that time. My mom had a lot of trouble getting pregnant with me (I think it took her about 7 years) so I wanted to start trying early. I figured it might take me a while as well. Plus I had been on birth control since I was very young to help control cysts on my ovaries and I was afraid it would take a while to get out of my system.

So I took the pregnancy test as soon as I got home from my full time job at around 5:30 pm. It very immediately read positive. I was in disbelief. I wasn’t even taking the pregnancy test to see if I was pregnant, I was taking it to confirm that I was not pregnant. I didn’t even know what to do. I called my best friend, Shannon, immediately and told her that it was positive and asked her if she thought it could be true. She said if it was positive then it was most likely true. She mentioned how they recommend you take the test in the morning because the hormone levels tend to be stronger and that if I was taking it at 5:30 pm then it was probably accurate. Then I started to panic a little because I had been sick the whole week before and was taking cough & cold medication every day. I had also had some alcohol a few weeks before (after the hurricane when we didn’t have electricity for 13 days). She told me not to worry. We both couldn’t believe it. I had been very adamant when we were growing up that I never wanted to have kids. When I met my husband, Mike, he already had two kids and seeing him as a father really softened my heart and I changed my mind. I was excited about the prospect of having a baby with him one day.

I decided to wait and take another pregnancy test the next morning just to be sure and until then I wasn’t going to tell Mike. That night I joked with him and asked what he would say if I ended up being pregnant soon. He teased me and said, “I’d ask you who the father was because we don’t have sex enough for it to be mine.” He was joking of course. Well, he was joking about it not being his baby. He was serious about the sex part. I kind of felt the same way. I honestly didn’t think we’d been doing it enough for me to be pregnant either. I had been working two jobs for about a month and a half, so we barely saw each other. Plus we had just endured a serious hurricane which left us without electricity for almost two whole weeks. It was so miserable around here because in Texas the summer heat lasts most of the year, well into what should be the fall. During those weeks we only had sex one time and that was the night we were lucky enough to borrow a generator and an air conditioning unit from some friends who had gotten their electricity back. Prior to that I was so hot and miserable I didn’t even want him sleeping close to me.

The next morning before I left for work I took another pregnancy test. Positive. Wow. I still found it hard to believe, but I accepted that it was true. I decided I’d tell my husband that night. On my way home from work that evening I stopped and bought one more pregnancy test. This time I got the digital one. I needed to see it say the word “positive” to make sure I wasn’t misreading the other two tests. I took it when I got home and it didn’t take long and that little screen read “Positive.” When Mike got home I told him I had a surprise for him. I told him to sit down on the bed, close his eyes, and hold out his hands. Once I was sure his eyes were closed, I went and got the three pregnancy tests, put them all in his hands, and told him to open his eyes. I was so nervous. He looked at his hands. It took him a few seconds to figure out what he was looking at and for it to really register in his mind.


“You’re pregnant?” he said.

“I guess so. They’re all 3 positive” I replied.

“Yay!” he said very awkwardly.

I could tell he was in shock. I was so worried about how he would react. I knew he would be happy about it, but neither of us thought it would happen so fast. We hugged and kissed. He asked me if I was going to call Shannon and I told him I already had, yesterday. He should have known. I had also told Lacey, my other really close friend, so when he said he wanted to tell someone too I couldn’t say no. He decided to tell his friend Will.

It was surreal to think a life was already growing inside of me. I knew my mom would just die to know, but I wanted to make sure everything was ok before I broke the news to her. I made a doctors appointment to confirm my pregnancy for the next week and decided to tell my parents after that. I had already scheduled a trip to Arkansas to visit my best friend who had given birth to her first child two months earlier, so I spent the following Thursday evening through Sunday morning hanging out with her. That probably wasn’t the best time to visit because it made me so scared about what was in store for me. Endless crying, sleepless nights, struggling to breast feed, etc. It was overwhelming for me just as a spectator, and I couldn’t imagine how hard it was for her. Nevertheless, I was excited about my appointment.

Mike went with me to the appointment and I had my very first vaginal ultrasound. I definitely was not expecting that, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. At that time, our baby was just a little round yolk in my uterus but it was such an amazing moment. To hear a professional confirm that I was truly pregnant made it real. She printed out an ultrasound picture and it was so cool. The first picture of our very own baby. I was excited to go tell my parents the news. A couple days earlier my mom had called and told me she hoped I would be pregnant by Christmas. At the time, I already knew I was pregnant but it was still my secret so I told her to stop pressuring me and that it would happen in due time.

I decided to make four copies of the ultrasound picture. I put each picture in its own envelope and labeled them: Mom, Dad, Pim Pim (my grandma), and Poppy (my grandpa). We headed over to my parents house right away. We walked in and met them in the kitchen. I told them I had something for them and handed them each their envelope. They opened them and I could tell that my dad immediately knew what was going on. My mom looked confused, which is very much like my mom. Finally she said, “What is this?” and my dad told her “It’s an ultrasound.” A few more seconds and it hit her. “You’re pregnant?!?!?!” We said yes and before I knew it she had her arms wrapped around me and she was spinning me in circles as she squealed with joy. By the time she let go we were both crying. It was such a special moment for both of us. My dad doesn’t show much emotion (he doesn’t even make a sound when he laughs) but I could tell in his face that he was excited. He hugged me as my mom hugged Mike. They wanted to take us to dinner to celebrate, but we had to stop at my grandparent’s house and share the good news on our way.

Just like I did with my parents, I handed them each their envelope and had them open them at the same time. They both looked a little confused so I just blurted out, “I’m pregnant.” My grandma’s face lit up, “Are you really??” We all told her yes and she started to tear up. She gave me a hug and told me she was so excited. My grandpa hugged me and told me congratulations. Once the news was out I had to explain to them what they were looking at in the picture. Understandably, it was difficult to tell what was what because at the time the baby was just a little round sack. We stayed and visited for a few more minutes and then we left for dinner. It was such an exciting day!

Just a few days later my parents showed up at our house with a gift. My mom was so excited that she just couldn’t wait to start buying things for her first grandchild. The bag was full of blankets and hooded towels. They were all gender neutral, yellow and green with a frog theme. I have loved and collected frog stuff since I was in middle school, so it was all so perfect. It was so fun to open a gift full of baby items. I spent the better part of my young life insisting that I would never have kids, but being pregnant was so exciting and it felt so right.