It's finally in. I love it and I'm so glad we finally got that accomplished. Like I've said before, not having the headstone down was making me feel like even more of a failure. It's definitely bittersweet to see it there though. We love it and are so glad she has a permanent fixture to show which precious baby is buried there, but we hate it because thats our first baby there. How can I be 24 years old and already have my very own daughter buried? My God. When I think of how much I wanted a little girl and actually got what I wished for, I cannot believe this is how that dream ended. Even if God blesses me with another daughter someday, that little girl will not be Mackenzie. Thankfully, I can find comfort in the knowledge that I will see her again one day and that God had a purpose for her little life, no matter how short.
Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart."
It's super shiny so you can see every reflection in it right now. It's hard to see all the detail in a picture.
The quote says "Ours for a moment, His for eternity"
Here's a close up picture to see more detail. The ladybugs on the border are the same ladybugs from the ribbons passed out at her funeral.
For the record, I made Mike smile in the picture. I'm only saying that in case you think it's weird that we are smiling next to our daughter's headstone. He asked me if he should smile and I said yes. I figured, why not? We are happy that the headstone came in and that it turned out beatifully...why not smile about it?
Seeing this picture aggravates me a little because when I see myself in the mirror I am not this big. How can I have lost 50 lbs and still look like that? Grrr. Especially my arms. I need to work on those monsters. And for those of you that would say I look good or any other compliment to offset my complaint about myself, here's a picture of what I looked like just over a year ago:
Just posting these two pictures in the same space makes me want to punch myself in the throat. Where did the skinny, tan, long dark haired me go? Damn.
But I digress.
The real reason for this post was to show the headstone and announce that it's finished. Enjoy!
Posts
It is beautiful, Ashely. Perfect. Still, seeing these tributes to our missing children makes my heart ache for all the wrongness. You're right, at 24 your only child should not be buried in the earth. It is so stupidly wrong and unfair, and I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteThinking of your baby today as she rests.
xo
I'm so pleased it finally arrived for you! It's really lovely, I love the little Ladybugs creeping around the edges. What a loving tribute from two fantastic parents.
ReplyDeleteI am so sad that you do not have your longed for daughter with you - I feel the same, I wanted a daughter more than anything - and it's just unbelievably cruel that they were taken so soon. Even though our angels were here for so short a time I hope that eventually we'll be able to look back on the time we shared and smile about it, even if the happiness is bittersweet.
Regarding your pictures - I know that I can say anything and you won't believe me but I think you look very pretty. Be kind to yourself, your body had been through so much! Easy to say I know because I have been worrying about exactly the same, I went shopping with my Mum (to 'cheer me up' - HA!)and expected to fit into my previous sizes because in my head it didn't seem fair that I didn't have a baby and would still have the baby weight...I guess I just thought I'd snap back into shape(but my arms are as big as my thighs at the minute, I look like a Sumo wrestler!).
Sending you lots of love, (I have suddenly noticed lots of Ladybugs in our garden, I always think of Mackenzie when I see them)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm so glad it is finally up! I know that I was happy when Carleigh's was in and then put it up. I hated going to the cemetery and just seeing an empty space. I didn't like people not knowing she was there.
ReplyDeleteHer marker is beautiful! So shiny and I love the details. I also love your little saying. Reminds me of ours- "Ours for a little while, with Jesus forever." :)
I got what I wished for too. I wanted another little girl so bad so that they could be close in age and grow up together. It was my dream for such a long time and it was shattered.
Her marker is so beautiful. I'm glad that you're happy with it. The flowers are very pretty.
ReplyDeleteThe marker is beautiful! xx
ReplyDeleteI love the grave stone. Thank you so much for sharing it. I have not finished this part, yet, so seeing others really is important to me and I am glad to see it. It is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteYou look beautiful in both pictures. I hate not getting recognized for this, but remember, you just had a baby--you look great. No one ever says that to me and I wish they would, especially the first part. It will come...off, that is. But please know, you are beautiful.
hugs,
Christy
I'm so happy to read that Mackenzie's marker was finished and to learn you have it in place. The photos of it are beautiful; the verse is poignant and the ladybugs are charming. It's truly a lovely headstone for the spot where your wee girl is at rest. I also think you look very pretty in your current photo. Sending you (((hugs))).
ReplyDeleteit turned out beautifully! I would be smiling too.. we are still waiting on our daughters to come in..super frustrating.. I would really like to have it in place for the before the holidays.. anyway.. congrats!
ReplyDeleteOh Ashley, I'm glad Mackenzie's marker has been finally placed. The ladybugs added a real personal touch. I couldn't help but notice Mike's shirt - my husband has the exact same one, haha.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling you on the whole weight gain situation. I've gained close to 50 pounds since I had my first child. So far, I've lost almost half of it. Losing weight is so hard. Keeping it off is even harder!
You'd think God would even things out in our life by blessing us with effortless hot bodies. That guy works in mysterious ways, hah.
The stone is so beautiful, such a wonderful tribute to sweet Mackenzie.
ReplyDeleteIts beautiful sweetie, just as yourself. Dont beat yourself up! xoxo Nan
ReplyDeleteok, on the second half of this post, i have to laugh at you :) cuz i was 108 lbs when i got pregnant and people can't understand why i think i'm so fat at 120 lbs! i'm like, no, no, no, you didn't see me BEFORE i got pregnant! so i hear ya sister! lol. but you still look good now too!
ReplyDeleteXO,
christy
Mackenzie's headstone is beautiful. and perfect
ReplyDeleteYour daughters marker is beautiful. I am just reading your blog for the first time and I hope there is good news for you in 2010.
ReplyDelete