I've been meaning to post a picture (click on it to see it bigger) of the two shelves on our bookcase dedicated to Mackenzie. I'm sure since this picture I have added to the ladybug collection and I know I've added a few things to her shelf as well. My husband calls it Mackenzie's shrine. Sometimes he says it like that might be a bad thing, but to me, it's all I have. Her nursery door is always shut and when there is another baby (God, please let there be another baby) her room will not be her room anymore at all. So I think it's fine for me to dedicate this space in our house to our little girl. Frankly, if she were here the whole house would probably be dedicated to her by way of toys, clothes, bouncer, swing, etc.
Oh and one more thing. I've been struggling with what to do about my most recent angel baby. I don't even know what to call him/her. How do I refer to this baby now? I don't know if it was a boy or girl. I didn't get much time (2 weeks) to even really accept that I was pregnant before it was all taken away from me in the blink of an eye. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm good at being a mommy to a 9lb 7oz stillborn baby girl that I got to know for 41 weeks and hold after she was born, but I just don't know how to also be the mother of a baby lost at only 7 weeks. It wasn't even a miscarriage. This baby's heart was beating all the way into surgery ~ that part I've forced myself not to think about. So I don't know where I fit in having an ectopic pregnancy and I don't know how to refer to this baby or where this baby's place is in this family. I don't mean to sound like there is no place for this baby...there most certainly was/is...I just need some advice here. I don't know how else to say it without sounding anymore insane.
Posts
wow you do have alot of ladybug things. Her shrine looks beautiful. I have a shrine for all of my boys things too and im sure some people think tha i am crazy for it. I am always reorganising it and buying new additions to it. Maybe you could pick a name that could be either a boys name or a girls name for the baby so you can mention them by name. I know that you loved the baby and even though you didnt get to know this baby or spend the amount of time with them like you did mackenzie, the baby was still your baby and is still special.
ReplyDeleteI have never been through anything like this or even a miscarriage so i dont know how good my advice is. Sorry.
Xxx
Beautiful shelves, Ashley. I also think you should choose a unisex name that you can call this angel baby. I had a friend who named her angel baby Taylor because she lost it too early to tell the sex also. I hope you are feeling well after your surgery. I am still so sorry for all that you've been through. It just breaks my heart. Love and Hugs! Kelli
ReplyDeleteMackenzie's shelves are absolutely beautiful. I never really came up with a name for any of my m/c's, but I think if I ever got to see and US of them. I think I would go by what they looked like on there. Jasper was the only baby we got to see on an US, so with the first one he was called dot because that is what he looked like.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the shelf! I feel like my daughter has a couple of shrines in our house too, but I agree with you. My others kids have a physical presence, my daughter does not, so I must create it. Don't be too hard on yourself!
ReplyDeleteI love your shelf, beautiful tribute to Mackenzie.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who lost a baby and she didn't know what the gender was, so she gave it a gender neutral name. You could do that, or just give a nickname. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful collection of mementos. I also just seen Mackenzie's beautiful tree and ornaments in your last post. They are all precious !
ReplyDeleteAs far as Mothering this precious baby that you lost so early, I know of a couple people, from a support group that I have helped facilitate who have lost their precious children due to ectopic pregnancies who pretty much refer to these babies as babies that they "lost" .If asked, they further explain that their child was lost to an ectopic pregnancy. Many,like you, see this as different than a "normal early loss" due to the fact that the baby had a heart beat, however, in the end everyone knows that if there were any way to have changed the outcome, that you surely would have., therefor it is a painful loss.
Under your circumstances,many( as before stated) give gender neutral names to their babies. Others have given names of a gender which they felt(in their hearts) the baby was. Some prefer a nickname such as "Dot" as one commenter stated.
I guess that ultimately, there is no right or wrong, but whatever works for you and your family. Understandably,right now, it sounds like you are not quite to the point where you know what is right for you, but fear not as with time you will .
I lost my daughter over fourteen years ago and am still from time to time figuring out what is right for our family.For example when we were about to have our family pictures taken I struggled with what would be the best way to have our daughter represented. We baby loss parents will no doubt always have these questions. Thankfully we have each other to love and support us regardless of whether our choices are the same or very different.
I just lost my baby at 10 weeks so I was in the same boat, not knowing how to refer to the baby. So I call the baby peanut. Some other women refer to theres as, sunflower. I think it's whatever your comfortable with. I love all her ladybug things too by the way! *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteMackenzie's shelves looks like Shealyn's corner. Your memorial is very pretty.
ReplyDeleteSomeone mentioned before...peanut...that's probably what I would have gone with.
While I have never had a loss like you did with Mackenzie, I did have an ectopic pregnancy the first time I was pregnant. I knew I was pregnant and started fainting at home. My mom came over and she and my husband took my to the hospital, where I was later transfered by ambulance to another hospital. I was left in that ER room for almost 10 hours and almost died. It was a very traumatic experience where I was in great pain and struggled to breathe. My tubal pregnancy had ruptured and I was internally bleeding. I was finally rushed into surgery, given lots of blood, and woke up without my baby. Six days later, I went home.
ReplyDeleteFrom the moment that I found out that I was pregnant, I believed that my baby was a girl. I named her Hannah before I lost her.
We did several things to honor her. My husband and I went to my grandfather's grave and let a balloon go. We wrote a poem together and framed it. I always dreamed that she would have dark, curly hair and I bought angel ornaments, figurines that looked like I thought she would. I found a support group and that helped.
I put everything that I had for her in a pretty box. I had a picture of my positive pregnancy test, some cards that people gave to me when I was still in the hospital and my hospital wrist ID tags. I dried the flowers that were given to me and saved them in a glass jar.
I did go on to have two wonderful chidren. I got pregnant with my son five months later. My daughter was born three years later.
Take care
I can totally relate to this. I lost my first child at 8 weeks and of course we didn't know the sex of the baby. We didn't give the baby a name or anything. The funny thing is I let myself forget about this baby till I got pregnant with Jonathan. It was like I regreived the loss of that baby when I lost Jonathan and it sunk in that I am a mommy to two babies and not just Jonathan so now I have renamed my baby as Little One. We never got any ultrasound pictures of Little One although I did hear the heartbeat. I purchased two matching candle holders so when I light a candle for Jonathan, I light one for Little One as well.
ReplyDelete*hugs* I know this is difficult.
Your shelves are beautiful.
I love Mackenzie's little area. I think you should feel free to put as much on her shelves as you want.
ReplyDeleteI felt lead to name my baby. At the time I was trying to decide I wasn't sure what the gender of my baby was so I chose a gender neutral name-Jordan. Later I asked God to reveal to me my baby's gender and that's when I felt that Jordan would have been a boy. For me, Jordan is a part of our family and even my husband acknowledges that. We have a plaque for him at the National Memorial for the Unborn that we visit once a year. To me, going there is like going to the cemetery to visit Carleigh. All I can say is just do what feels right to you.
This is my first visit here.
ReplyDeleteWe lost Isaac April 8, 2009 to Anencephaly. I just lost my 1st pregnancy after him, too.....
So much for the "rainbow"....
I have to admit, I'm a little bitter about it. It feels like slap in the face. I've thought about who this baby was, too.... What it means to our family.... thought about what purpose I served for him or her carrying to 8 weeks..... Lots of unanswered questions, and still very much a loss, but I guess I have not quite figured out how to incorporate grieving a pregnancy into grieving for a newborn......
Hi, it is Lisa from Jasper, Forever our First born. I wanted to let you know that I wrote and took pics of Mackenzie's name and wanted to give them to you. I hope you like them.
ReplyDeletehttp://waterfallangels.blogspot.com/2010/02/mackenzie.html
I wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss and then to have to go through another. What a hard thing to have to experience. It has been 5 weeks today since we lost our sweet little boy. It has been a rough road, but I am so thankful for all the support I have been able to find through my blogging network.
ReplyDeleteAs for your little one you just lost, you could have an angel orniment made for you christmas tree. Maybe add a couple off things to Mackenkie's shelves as a rememberance and give them "nickname to refer them by.