Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I am so stupid!! What was I thinking?? I watched "Dr. G Medical Examiners" about a baby, not realizing the show is about autopsy. I now know what Mackenzie's autopsy was like and I hate myself for doing it. If I would have known or been in my right mind... I'm in the process of crying myself to sleep now & praying for no nightmares. I'm sorry Mackenzie. I'm so sorry. I love you!!!
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8 comments:

  1. RikkiNovember 3, 2009 at 11:56 PM

    I am so sorry that you had to see that. I still feel bad for doing an autopsy on my boys sometimes but i know that if i didnt do it i would always wonder what happened. I hope that you dont have nightmares.
    xxx

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  2. Mackenzie's MommyNovember 4, 2009 at 12:05 AM

    I'm sure I would feel a little differently if the autopsy had provided answers, but Mackenzie's was inconclusive. So I had that done to my perfect little baby for nothing. We got no answers. It's still a completely shitty mystery.

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  3. Hope's MamaNovember 4, 2009 at 12:49 AM

    Oh Ashley, I'm so sorry. I looked at photos of someone's dead baby recently who'd had his autopsy already. She got him back before the funeral after he had been examined. I sort of wish I didn't look as I probably didn't need to know what she had done to her.
    We got answers from our autopsy, which did help, but all those answers did was serve to remind us all over again, just how utterly sensless and preventable it was.
    I'm so brokenhearted for anyone who has have an autopsy for their baby. Those two words should never go in the same sentence.
    Thinking of baby Mackenzie today and always.
    xo

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  4. HollyNovember 4, 2009 at 8:36 AM

    I'm sorry you had to see that. I know it isn't easy to think about what they do in an autopsy. (((hugs)))

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  5. JenNovember 4, 2009 at 9:25 AM

    :( I am so sorry.how awful to have to see that..

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  6. meNovember 4, 2009 at 7:20 PM

    Oh ASh !!
    I'm sorry your upset. Mackenzie knows you did it only because you wanted to know what happened to her. You did nothing wrong. I said a prayer for peace for you. call me if you need to talk.

    Nichole

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  7. KarenNovember 5, 2009 at 11:49 AM

    Oh, Ashley. I'm sorry. Likewise my husband read the pamphlet about cremation given us by the funeral director - then he looked at me stricken and tore it to pieces so I wouldn't read it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Hope you did get some rest that night. (((Hugs)))

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  8. Once A MotherNovember 6, 2009 at 9:46 PM

    How traumatic seeing that must have been... I pray that you were able to get some rest and some peace in your mind and heart.

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