Just to get me started...

Sooner than later I hope to get around to writing out the full story of our short time with Mackenzie, but today I have things my husband would like me to do and I don't feel like doing them with puffy eyes and a red nose. It's been over 5 weeks now since we said goodbye to Mackenzie and this morning, just like every other morning since then, I woke up dreading the rest of the day. I honestly feel like my life has no meaning. I don't feel like I'm really living anymore, but rather just trying to survive another day. I haven't cried much this week, which is a drastic change from last week...but that fact actually worries me. It feels strange because I know that I'm not "over it" (and never will be) but I'm functioning much better these past few days and I'm scared that maybe I'm in denial or something? I've been trying to face my grief head on. I don't want to be one of those people who avoids it for years and years and then it finally catches up to them when it's too late...and by "too late" I mean people aren't understanding anymore & there's no compassion or support. Maybe it's because this week I've been pouring over other people's blogs and reading their stories and seeing that I'm not the only one dealing with this type of loss. The first blog I came across last week was insanely similar to my own story and I cried all day long reading every post. Reading that blog and so many others has really inspired me and also given me some great ideas for honoring Mackenzie's life and preserving our memories of our brief time with her. For instance, one person has a special, small Christmas tree just for her dead baby and each year she buys an ornament for that child and places it on that tree. I loved that idea!!